How We Respond
April 13th, 2006[ Office Gossip ]
Something I hope I’m getting better at over time is how I respond. How we respond can be more important than the content of our actual response. Women understand this far better than men as they have more ‘tact’.
“Sandy told me I look different today, what do you think she meant?”
If you’re this tuned in to these meta-messages, it’s a blessing and a curse. Some people spend their days interpreting messages that don’t even exist.
How do you respond when a team member brings you less than exciting news? Getting specific, let’s say they forgot to include a key file in your software for a customer deliverable. A stereotypical manager response to this could be to treat it as a ‘fire’, get worked up, possibly even angry. The intent being to convey the severity of the situation at hand. In some cases there may be formal punishment on the spot. Or it may take a passive aggressive form by showing up on that person’s next review or your next performance grade. Seems reasonable right?
What’s really important here? The most important part of this exchange is the information brought forward. It’s now available and in the open for the team to address, learn from it, and move forward.
How does that traditional response impact this goal? It may, if you’re lucky, prevent that person from making the same mistake again out of fear of reprisal. They’ll fear being yelled at, humiliated, or having money taken from them due to their resulting low performance or review grade.
What’s guaranteed is you’re less likely to know if they do make the same mistake again. You may have driven that information underground. If you’re lucky that person won’t make that mistake again. They will, however, make new ones. Are your chances of hearing about them more or less likely now? As well, have your chances of hearing about other team members mistakes increased or decreased?
How we respond is very important and often overlooked in relation to our real goals. It reminds me of my kids. When my son drinks alcohol or smokes for the first time, will I want to know about it? Of course I do. If I freak out, ground him, and give him a lecture, will that keep him from drinking again? Maybe, but probably not. Will it make him think twice about ever telling me about a similar event in his life again? Oh ya.